May We Dance Upon Their Graves

Incest Survivors, Spirituality and Ceremonies of Justice – the story of a woman living a rich, fulfilling life while waiting to dance on her sociopath father's grave.

Ordinary Grief

Well, my new relationship is now over. She broke up with me about a week ago, by email, after spending a lovely day together. That was hard. Some people need to be the central person in another person’s life and the polyamory didn’t work for her. It hit her that I have a wife I love, and that didn’t feel safe for her. I get it, particularly in context with what else I know about her. I’m grieving but okay. It’s hard to finally have what you’ve wanted for a long time and then lose it. But at least my relationship with my wife is still solid, perhaps even stronger than it was.

This is ordinary grief. Somehow being so familiar with complicated and long term grief, the grief of tragically losing my family, sets me in good stead here. I know the road map. I know that my emotional and cognitive ‘bandwidth’ is going to be reduced for awhile, that I’ll cry easily, that I’ll be tired and overeat a little. This will actually pass and taking good care of myself will help. B vitamins help. Eating well helps. Being around people who love me helps.

I’m a bit anxious I’ll never find anyone. I had one of my poly friends look at my personal ad and she told me her feedback was that it was intimidating, that it looked like I had it all together. I do, actually, have it all together, or as much of it as anyone does.

Anyhow, I’m feeling sad, and it will pass.


10 comments on “Ordinary Grief

  1. kate1975
    May 28, 2012

    Good and healing thoughts to you in your time of grief.


  2. Deanna Joy Hallmark
    May 28, 2012

    Grief is a good thing. It releases toxins from the body that can otherwise accumulate in the vital organs and cause serious damage. It also releases endorphins that reduce stress and pain and promote the bodies natural ability to resist disease (read dis EASE).

    • sworddancewarrior
      May 30, 2012

      I agree. Grief and I are old friends. It’s the only thing that truly resolves tragedy. Thanks for commenting.

  3. butterflysblog
    May 30, 2012

    Warrior, I do this too. I compare present pain to past pain, and then I compare this recovery to past recoveries from pain.

    If this woman broke up with you, it is because the Universe has other plans for you. I think it is awesome that you tried this out and had a lovely experience. Maybe the next one will be the one that sticks.

    You are awesome.

  4. sworddancewarrior
    May 30, 2012

    Thanks, Butterfly. You are, of course, right.
    You are also awesome.

  5. Nop
    May 31, 2012

    I’m in a near identical situation myself right now, ironically. I may be able to fix it with some serious shovel work, but I may have to accept that it’s over before it’s really started.

  6. Kerro
    June 4, 2012

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and your grief. In a way, though, i thought it was great that you could see and feel the differences between this “simple” grief and more complex griefs of the past. I can see that as well sometimes, though I hadn’t been able to lay my finger on it.

    I also think the Universe has other plans for you. Much better plans 🙂

  7. sworddancewarrior
    June 4, 2012

    Thanks Kerro – I like it when people hold positive outcomes in their minds for me.

  8. michellelianna
    June 7, 2012

    All my very, very best to you! I have no words of wisdom you don’t already know, but just want to say I’m sorry that you are sad and hope it passes soon and with great uplifting joy to follow. One of the few cool things about being human is that we tend to bounce most of the time when thrown at something hard. May yours be full of laughter and love when it comes. In the mean time, be good to yourself. ~Michelle

    • sworddancewarrior
      June 7, 2012

      Thanks for the support and blessings, Michelle. I’m feeling a lot better now.
      Bouncing along,

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This entry was posted on May 28, 2012 by in Relationships and Survivors and tagged .

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