May We Dance Upon Their Graves

Incest Survivors, Spirituality and Ceremonies of Justice – the story of a woman living a rich, fulfilling life while waiting to dance on her sociopath father's grave.

I did it.

Photocredit: Zanastardust

I just finished bringing my father / abuser’s file to the attention of the RCMP in connection with some murders of young women that have been happening in and around my home town during the time my family has lived there. I used an online tip form, because it seemed a lot easier to write out what I know than to be interviewed on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I gave them my real name.

I did it because my vulva has been hurting all day, and it needed to be done. I spent an hour or more writing out all the facts I know of, looked into my files to check dates and it does seem possible he is the one murdering these young women. Either way, I didn’t say anything that they can’t verify themselves. I didn’t give them the full time-line, although it does look like there is a murder within a year of events that would have been stressful to him (getting interviewed by the police about raping me, his wife leaving him etc…) The first murder happened about a year after we moved there.

I sure hope that either they don’t contact me or at least that it’s not a bad experience if they do. I’m stronger now than I was then. Tips aren’t supposed to be a case all sewn up, they’re just information that might fit into the case. I have done all I can do, now.

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15 comments on “I did it.

  1. kate1975
    March 26, 2011

    This is a huge thing. I am glad you did it. In one way, it is like you are dancing on his grave already. Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    • sworddancewarrior
      March 26, 2011

      Thanks. Me too. Now I’ve done all I can do, my responsibility. I had a small freak out afterward, but I’m fine now.

      good and healing thoughts to you too,
      SDW

  2. kindamaybesorta
    March 26, 2011

    That took a LOT of strength. Whether or not the murdering rapist is your father, the bastard needs to be caught. Every little bit helps, y’know?

    I hope that your vulval pain eases, soon.

    • sworddancewarrior
      March 27, 2011

      Thanks. This morning I’m trying not to keep going over it in my mind, not entirely successfully. Everything I wrote was the truth, and most of it is already in their own records, so it should be okay, although I’m nervous. I’m assuming at some point they may call me to verify it was me that did the report, which is going to be stressful for me, but right now I’m mostly okay.

      The vulva pain seemed to settle down after some icing, although it’s not gone. I have a friend I haven’t seen for awhile who is a doula (kind of like a midwife, a birth coach), and I’ve decided to ask her for advice about it. I figure that midwives and doulas might know something about vaginal tearing that might be useful.

  3. butterflysblog
    March 27, 2011

    This must have been absolutely terrrifying to do. You are the most courageous person I have ever known, living or dead, fiction or non-fiction. You are absolutely amazing.

    • sworddancewarrior
      March 27, 2011

      It was pretty scary, but it was time, you know? Saturday is my day to connect with myself and meditate, and I just realized it was time. It really helped to be able to write it rather than talk to someone. I know that police have to sound the way they do, and treat people all official and suspicious, but it’s very intimidating. The support from you gals really helped. My wife was really good about it too.

      When I put the timeline together and figured out that the first murder was about a year after my family moved there, and that there was a break in the murders during the time my dad was in the hospital, and remembered that he attacked my aunt, who was about the same age as the victims, I just felt that I had to do it and I wouldn’t feel right with my conscience if I didn’t. I told them about my scars and the scar on my dad’s leg from my aunt fighting him off, since they speak to the level of violence.

      I’m more scared about what might happen next. I can handle it, but I’m not looking forward to actually talking with the police if that happens. Hopefully they don’t need to. I could have done it anonymously, but I would have had to leave a lot out. I don’t have to be sure he did it, that’s what tip lines are for, aren’t they, for bits of information that may be nothing, but may fit with what they already know about the murderer.

      Thanks so much for your support, it really helps!
      SDW

  4. meredith
    March 28, 2011

    Good for you!. I hope that this brings some resolution for you. I think it’s daunting… devastating… to realize. My father died, suddenly… and somehow, that seemed like resolution of a higher order.

    Your resolve is beautiful.

    peace, now;

    ~meredith~

    • sworddancewarrior
      March 28, 2011

      I didn’t really do it to bring resolution. I did it so that I’ve done all I can in case he is the murderer, you know?
      When did your father die? Forgive me for not remembering if you’ve told me, he abused you? How are you doing?
      SDW

      • meredith
        March 28, 2011

        Yeah. I meant resolution to the situation. It’s a heavy burden to put into motion by filing charges. I honor you for that.

        My dad died some twenty years ago. Yes, he abused me… but he also raped and mutilated women. I know because he made me clean up, once. I always wanted to tell the police. I tried to tell… but people don’t believe it’s possible.

        I am on my own, now. I have no ties to any family, whatsoever. Sometimes, I can hardly breathe with what I know.

        ~meredith~

        • sworddancewarrior
          March 28, 2011

          Hi Meredith,
          Thank you for telling me this. That’s hard. It was something to get used to, thinking, my father could be that guy, the one murdering these women. But there are a lot of us, with parents who did or do evil things. There’s a feeling of separateness from everyone, having a father who is a sociopath, who does things people don’t want to believe happen. I sometimes let people assume my father is dead. I don’ t know if knowing for sure he did it would make it better or worse, it’s kind of like the scars, I’m glad I know they’re there now, but it made things sink in at a whole new level.

          When I first reported to the RCMP about him raping me, I told myself that I had to define for myself what would be a ‘win’ for me, that I couldn’t make it about whether the justice system responded in the right way. For me, the win was that I reported him. As long as I did that, I won.

          I had an advocate with me, who didn’t do much, but having someone to go with me who had been through it before was helpful. This time, getting the ball rolling by filling out an anonymous tip form, even though I gave them my name, made it less daunting.

          I’m glad your father is dead.

          I’ll keep you posted on how this works out. I don’t know where you are in the world, but if you ever want to tell the police and I can support you in that, let me know.

          -SDW

  5. roseroars
    March 29, 2011

    That is so brave and such a powerful move to make, and then to share it here…awesome.

    Lisa

    • sworddancewarrior
      March 31, 2011

      Thanks. It needed doing. Having the support and understanding from you all really helps.

  6. balbrouckan
    March 30, 2011

    You did it ! I’m very proud of you. Yay for survivors !

    I’m thinking, if police comes to you and asks you about your tip : because it’s in relation with those homicides, and not directly about you as a victim, it may make the questionning less stressful – you’re trying to help the families of the victims, and you’re not sure about your father being the murderer. Being a witness is easier than being a victim.

    Good thoughts to Meredith. People not believing it’s possible or minimizing what happened is an agony that I’ve experienced too… It’s good that your father died. I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to report what you know, and that you’ll be acknowledged this time.

    • sworddancewarrior
      March 30, 2011

      @balbrouckan yes, I hope so. Actually I hope they don’t need me until/unless they actually decide he’s a suspect, which would make it easier too, so I have some validation built in.

  7. Jane
    March 31, 2011

    What a courageous and strong thing to do…

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This entry was posted on March 26, 2011 by in Sexual Abuse, Sociopath, survivors, vulva, vulvadynia and tagged , , , .

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