May We Dance Upon Their Graves

Incest Survivors, Spirituality and Ceremonies of Justice – the story of a woman living a rich, fulfilling life while waiting to dance on her sociopath father's grave.

Wedding Canopy

This picture is of someone’s real wedding canopy, it’s called Magical White Wedding by Ronsho, from Flickr.

Our wedding was magical. It was a blessing of us and of our families. It would be so hard to separate out again, to lose touch with her family, who have become my family in a way mine haven’t been. I can’t help but feel that the Goddess wanted us to be together for a reason. It might be that it was a time limited thing and we’ll be separate now.

I”ve been thinking about how it would work to stay in our house in separate suites, to kind of stay roommates and life-allies if we break up. It’s probably naive, although I have lived with exes after breakups before and it didn’t turn out so bad, actually. One ex girlfriend got together with another woman and we all lived together for years. It didn’t bother me a bit (well, I spent more time than usual out of the house for the first couple of weeks but not too bad) and I was glad to see her happy. The other woman was my friend too, so that helped. I don’t know if my wife could pull that off.  It’s probably just the ‘bargaining’ stage of grief – we can hold on to the things that are still good in our relationship, and be free too.

I love her. She’s my family. She’s my grounding, the source of a lot of my feeling of safety in the world. I would survive if we split up and perhaps grow in ways that I need to, but it would be sad. Perhaps I need to learn to feel safe on my own now, perhaps I am ready. Perhaps I need to do things I can’t do in this partnership. I don’t know. I don’t want to lose my home, iether by needing to sell it or by buying her out and having to have roommates to pay the mortgage. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to lose what intimacy I have with her.

May the Goddess guide me. May everything work out in the best possible way.

Blessed be.

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2 comments on “Wedding Canopy

  1. balbrouckan
    September 10, 2010

    Naive things can work out if both partners make them work… It seems it depends on how committed to the marriage your wife now feels. If she’s not of the talkative kind, it’s not easy to know whether she really wants out, maybe she doesn’t know it herself yet.
    As someone who’s never tried it, an open relationship seems all kinds of fun and sexy – as long as both partners are allowed to have sex outside of the main relationship.
    Anyway, I wish you two will find a harmonious outcome to your marital woes.

  2. butterflysblog
    September 12, 2010

    It seems to me that you are finding your way through a difficult situation. I think you are doing really great with this. This is really really hard stuff, and you are moving through this whole thing with grace.

    -Butterfly

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This entry was posted on September 9, 2010 by in Relationships and Survivors and tagged , , , .

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