May We Dance Upon Their Graves

Incest Survivors, Spirituality and Ceremonies of Justice – the story of a woman living a rich, fulfilling life while waiting to dance on her sociopath father's grave.


I just did a rather mild exercise session to an online video: I didn’t make it through without crying. I think I stopped half way, doing the floor exercises.

It seemed to be the  ‘holding on’ part of the exercise that got me. The part where you’re in mild discomfort from laying down and doing situps or holding your arms out or whatever, and waiting for them to finish the damn count down from 10 to one. Thank Goddess the instructor didn’t do the countdown more than once for each exercise. I hate it when they count down to one and then start again from ten. It’s a nasty trick.

This is what is inconvenient about being a survivor – bursting into tears during workouts and feeling embarrassed about it. If I could announce somehow. “I’m a sexual assault survivor. While exercising, I might start crying, and if I do I’ll feel better if I just go with it and cry openly till I’m done. I may need to sob a bit. No need to worry, I’ll take care of myself. Please ignore me and go on with your routine. You help me best by just realizing this is normal and I need to do it my way.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were fitness classes for survivors? Ones with no counting, soothing music and a kleenex box, punching bag and stuffed animals in the corner? Where everyone knew you were a survivor and you didn’t have to disclose, just get on with it?

If we really valued survivors, we would have those things.


2 comments on “Exercise

  1. kate1975
    January 7, 2010

    Hi SDW,

    This is the kind of exercise that would trigger me. I’m sorry for that, as I know how much comes up. I will try to check out the video once I get back online at home in a week or so.

    I agree with you, we need this kind of class for survivors. I wish that there were ones. We could call them survivors and supporters of survivors classes, so no one outside can know for sure who the survivors are. Eventually I would like to make dvds for this topic, as there is very little out there on this for us survivors.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


    • sworddancewarrior
      January 19, 2010

      Hi Kate,
      For some reason your comment went into the spam queue, so I just found it today. I like the idea of having a survivors and supporters class. Maybe in my next career, when I can actually stand to exercise regularly, I’ll organize one.
      All the best to your with your home situation.

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This entry was posted on January 6, 2010 by in Health and Sexual Abuse Survivors, Sexual Abuse and tagged , .

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