May We Dance Upon Their Graves

Incest Survivors, Spirituality and Ceremonies of Justice – the story of a woman living a rich, fulfilling life while waiting to dance on her sociopath father's grave.

Songs to dance on an abusers grave to

The concept of dancing on your abusers’ grave seems to have some resonance for survivors I’ve talked to. Not all of us are of Scottish heritage, or even interested in learning the sword dance or Ghillie Callum used for this purpose.

For those of you lucky enough to have dead abusers with graves ripe for dancing, I thought I’d provide a list of suggested songs. Perhaps between this and the comments we can come up with a nice long list.

  • Flinty Kind of Woman – Dar Williams – this upbeat country song tells the story of a bunch of upscale New England matrons garrotting an attempted child molester in a bog.
    “Going east of Mississippi got a flinty kind of woman And you don’t act smart and you don’t touch my children If the young man wants to see the sun go down” Here’s another sample (the words are great)
    “And by the “Welcome to New England” sign
    Got him with the fishing line
    In the dark smell of brine
    Betty said “This one is mine.”
    She is ruthless ”
    Here’s a link to the lyrics: http://darwilliams.net/music/tabs/flinty.html
  • Independence Day – Martina McBride – story from a grown child’s perspective of her mom burning down the house to kill herself and her batterer.
    The Chorus:
    “Let freedom ring,
    let the white dove sing
    let the whole world know that
    Today is a day of reckoning
    let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
    roll the stone away, let the guilty pay, its independence day.”
    Click here to watch the video
  • Concrete Angel – Another Martina McBride Song – more a grieving song about an abused child who died.
    “Through the wind and the rain,
    She stands hard as a stone in a world that she can’t rise above;
    But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she’s loved.
    Click here for full lyrics
    View video here
  • Goodbye Earl – Dixie Chicks – the story of two best friends who kill the battering spouse of one of the women after he disregards a restraint order and get away with it.
    Well she finally go the nerve to file for divorce, she let the law take it from there.  But Earl walked right through that restraining order, and put her in intensive care. Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atalnta, on a red eye midnight flight. She held Wanda’s hand as they worked out a plan and it didn’t take long to decide that Earl had to die.”
    Click here to watch the video – worth it to watch the gleeful dancing when he dies Celebrative and upbeat. Good for a grave-dancing.
  • Testimony by Ferron – not super overt, but about strength among women after sexual assault, very pretty.
    ” But by my life be I spirit
    And by my heart be I woman
    And by my eyes be I open
    And by my hands be I whole”
    Click here for full lyrics

I don’ t have any good incest survivor pride songs yet, but maybe you have one.

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8 comments on “Songs to dance on an abusers grave to

  1. kate1975
    April 15, 2009

    I Hope You Dance

    I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
    You get your fill to eat
    But always keep that hunger
    May you never take one single breath for granted
    God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
    I hope you still feel small
    When you stand by the ocean
    Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
    Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance

    And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
    I hope you dance
    I hope you dance

    I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
    Never settle for the path of least resistance
    Living might mean taking chances
    But they’re worth taking
    Lovin’ might be a mistake
    But it’s worth making
    Don’t let some hell bent heart
    Leave you bitter
    When you come close to selling out
    Reconsider
    Give the heavens above
    More than just a passing glance

    And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
    I hope you dance
    (Time is a real and constant motion always)
    I hope you dance
    (Rolling us along)
    I hope you dance
    (Tell me who)
    I hope you dance
    (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
    (Where those years have gone)

    I hope you still feel small
    When you stand by the ocean
    Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
    Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance

    And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
    Dance
    I hope you dance
    I hope you dance
    (Time is a real and constant motion always)
    I hope you dance
    (Rolling us along)
    I hope you dance
    (Tell me who)
    (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
    I hope you dance
    (Where those years have gone)

    (Tell me who)
    I hope you dance
    (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
    (Where those years have gone)

    I realize that some of the lyrics might have to be changed for a grave dance.

  2. butterflysblog
    April 15, 2009

    There’s this song by Peter Alsop called Look at the Ceiling. It’s probably very triggering for all of us survivors though. But perhaps listening to it while dancing on the grave of a shithead is the best way to go about hearing such a song.

    • sworddancewarrior
      April 15, 2009

      You’re probably right. Perhaps we need to write some dancing on the grave of a shithead songs. To sing on the bus tour.

  3. butterflysblog
    April 15, 2009

    And “House Full of Secrets” by Betsy Rose. Also triggering. Also appropriate to listen to while dancing on the grave of a shithead.

  4. butterflysblog
    April 15, 2009

    “How Could Anyone” by Libby Roderick
    “Circle of Light” by Betsy Rose

  5. oniongirl13
    April 16, 2009

    Thank you for this lovely idea. Looking for songs was a small healing process for me. I have a few here, just a handful of lines from each song.

    Departure Plan, Soilwork:

    Youre taking care of your instincts
    No matter what you do
    Your life could be so much better when everything is through
    The demons that refused to let you go
    They left with empty hands
    You got to give it a try
    Dont put an end to your life
    Cause thats where you choke your last sigh

    Chorus:
    You gotta rise with me!
    Cause youre so vulnerable… me!
    No need for sympathy now…
    Yet so admirable… say…

    Your passion for art is your well hidden cure
    Cause thats where you have a plan
    Escaping could be such a movement now
    In your fragile heart all so true

    Because of You, Lee Ann Rimes:

    I will not make the same mistakes that you did
    I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
    I will not break away you did you felt so hard
    I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far

    Because of you I never strayed too far from the sidewalk
    Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
    Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me
    But everyone around me
    Because of you… I am afraid.

    Defying Gravity, Wicked:

    Something has changed within me.
    Something is not the same.
    I’m through with playing by the rules of someone elses game.
    Too late for second-guessing.
    Too late to go back to sleep!
    It’s time to trust my instincts.
    Close my eyes, and leap!
    It’s time to try defying gravity.
    I think I’ll try defying gravity, and you can’t pull me down…

    I’m through accepting limits,
    ‘Cause someone says they’re so!
    Some things I cannot change,
    but ’till I try, I’ll never know!
    Too long I’ve been afraid of
    losing love, I guess I’ve lost!
    Well, if that’s love, it comes at much to high a cost!
    I’d sooner buy defying gravity
    Kiss me goodbye!
    I’m defying gravity, and you can’t pull me down!

    Just Like You, Three Days Grace:

    I could be cold
    I could be ruthless
    You know I could be just like you

    I could be weak
    I could be senseless
    You know I could be just like you

    You thought you were standing beside me
    You were only in my way
    You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you

    On my own, cause I can’t take livin’ with you
    I’m alone, so I won’t turn out like you
    You want me to

    You thought you were standing beside me
    You were only in my way
    You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you

    Say When, Fair to Midland:

    The desert heat left us all in the dark,
    They buried the sun so I carried the torch,
    Head over heels with eyes on the prize,
    I settled for less and it’s more than enough,
    Just say when,

    Truth be told,
    I’d rather be sold than juggle stepping stones,
    But when he tries,
    I try,

    They all take part to get a head start,
    Big whigs love hitting the jackpot,
    Taking all the cheap shots,
    The referee was wrong!

    From the Inside, Linkin Park:

    I don’t know who to trust no surprise
    (Everyone feels so far away from me)
    Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
    (Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
    (Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
    (All I ever think about is this)
    (All the tiring time between)
    (And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

    [Chorus]
    Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
    Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

    Tension is building inside steadily
    (Everyone feels so far away from me)
    Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me
    (Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
    (Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
    (All I ever think about is this)
    (All the tiring time between)
    (And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

    I hope that these snippets help. They’re wonderful songs, of very diverse genres, and I love them all.

  6. kate1975
    April 16, 2009

    Yes it is pretty and life affirming.

    I know that a lot of teenage and young abuse survivors like Evanescence and their songs. They are kind of deep and deeply sad, but I can see how that might be good for grave dancing.

    Kate

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