May We Dance Upon Their Graves

Incest Survivors, Spirituality and Ceremonies of Justice – the story of a woman living a rich, fulfilling life while waiting to dance on her sociopath father's grave.

May we outlive them all, and dance upon their graves

The first time my father raped me I was about 5 years old. The last time, I’m not sure, maybe 13. He strangled me till I lost consciousness, possibly to stop me from screaming. I was so young that, not knowing what passing out from lack of air was,  I deduced from the pain and the unconsciousness that I’d actually died. My mother appeared to take no notice of what must have been the obvious signs of distress in her little girl. When we finally had a conversation about it, after I’d grown up and left the house forever, she said she believed me, but continued to live with my father for another 14 years. You would think raping your daughter, or any woman for that matter, is worth leaving your husband over. Apparently not.

My father is dying of cancer, hopefully quickly and painfully.

The Goddess Brigid

The Goddess Brigid

I’m planning to dance a sword dance on his grave.

I’ve started this blog to write about this, but now I find myself unable to write.

I found this picture of the Goddess Brigit with a sword that appeals to me. We women need to fight back, we survivors need to fight back against the silence and prejudice that keeps the abusers free and the survivors invisible.

The picture appeals to me because it represents the strength that is divine and female and cannot be silenced. The strength that is the iron core, the sword inside that we survivors use to fight for our lives and our happiness.

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2 comments on “May we outlive them all, and dance upon their graves

  1. V
    January 18, 2009

    I am glad I found your blog through Butterfly’s blog. I too, was molested and beaten by my “Father” from the time I was a baby, the first actually penetration I was also 5. I remember wanting to just die. No five year old should be thinking thoughts like that. I am also using my blog to break my years of silence. Unfortunately, my “father” isn’t dying and he is still stalking me. I hope that one day soon, he or I will be gone from this earth so it can all end!

    I wish you so much peace and happiness, you, me and other survivors deserve it!

    Bless you!
    ~V

  2. kate1975
    April 12, 2009

    Hi,

    I wanted to say that I love the picture you posted. It makes me feel so strong and so brave. I didn’t realize it was the Goddess Brigit until I read this post. That makes sense. She means a lot to me and has always made me feel strong and brave.

    I’m sorry that you were strangled and lost consciousness. I know how disoriented and truly frightening that can be, at the hands of my mother and in the tub as well. It is so brave to be able to share that.

    “The picture appeals to me because it represents the strength that is divine and female and cannot be silenced. The strength that is the iron core, the sword inside that we survivors use to fight for our lives and our happiness.”

    I love this.

    Thank you so much for your blog and for posting. We are strong. We are.

    Kate

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This entry was posted on December 3, 2008 by in Sexual Abuse and tagged , , , .

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