May We Dance Upon Their Graves

Incest Survivors, Spirituality and Ceremonies of Justice – the story of a woman living a rich, fulfilling life while waiting to dance on her sociopath father's grave.

Sociopathy is inherited – choosing not to have children

This weeks post is a result of re-reading some an old comment I made on a website about childbirthing when you are a survivor. I’ve never birthed or raised a child, and don’t plan to. When I was younger, I had a  strong aversion to the tearing that always happens during childbirth. I had some good ideas why this might be so, but of course didn’t have proof till I saw the scar tissue from the tearing I’d experienced during repeated vaginal rapes starting as a very young child.

The doula, a survivor herself, whose blog it was, responded to my comment by saying in part that women can give birth even with scar tissue, which of course was never the point.

It got me thinking about all the reasons I’ve chosen not to birth a child. You would think being a lesbian might be one of them, but it isn’treally. I know lots of same sex couples with children. We may have an awesome birth control method, but we can fairly easily get pregnant if we want to. Even the country  and place I live in are liberal enough that my child wouldn’t experience much in the way of serious discrimination, no more than any other kid in a multicultural society does.

Then of course, there are the environmental reasons. By choosing not to have a child, I’m making the single largest environmental conservation action that I could make. Even with an extremely conserving and eco-friendly lifestyle, human beings just do way more harm than good to the planet, and there need to be less of us if the planet is going to continue to support life in the long run.

And there are the temperament reasons. I have trouble enough sleeping without the expected sleeplessness of early parenthood, and I am extremely unhappy and foggy without sleep. The thought of enduring this for years is almost inconceivable (no pun intended). I’m also a bit of a space cadet, what with all the PTSD, and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for a little being I might accidentally injure with my forgetfulness. I have recurring nightmares where I make some mistake that injures my baby.

But really the most compelling reason for not having children is that sociopathy is apparently mostly genetic. My father is a sociopath, and I can’t take the chance that I might birth and raise one. Screening for sperm donors doesn’t usually include screening for sociopathy either, so my kid could get a double genetic load with the wrong donor. Not an acceptable risk to me. If there was an in vitro blood test for sociopathic tendencies, and I learned my baby had them, I would abort. I’d feel bad about it, and I’d pray about it, but I’d do it. The risk of harm from just one sociopath over his or her lifetime is just too great.

For those of you who, like me, have a first order relative who is or was a sociopath/psychopath/has antisocial personality disorder, I respectfully suggest that you consider never passing this gene on.

If you are at risk for passing sociopathy on to your children and have already had or plan to have children, or if you raise a child who is at risk, here are some resources to spot and help overcome sociopathic tendencies in your children.

9 comments on “Sociopathy is inherited – choosing not to have children

  1. JBR
    June 26, 2011

    Very interesting post. Your blog I will come back over and check out some of your other posts. Appreciate you sharing, thank you. Blessings.

  2. kindamaybesorta
    June 27, 2011

    I didn’t realize that it was an inheritable disorder. My half-brother is either a psychopath or a sociopath, I can never remember which. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, that last article being grouped with the others…

    • sworddancewarrior
      June 27, 2011

      Yeah, I didn’t know at first either until I looked into it. I noticed that ADHD was grouped in with it too, which is kind of odd, isn’t it?

      • kindamaybesorta
        July 16, 2011

        I discovered yesterday that I was probably misdiagnosed with ADHD because the symptoms of PTSD are pretty similar to the casual observer.

        But yeah, that is weird. But I guess it makes sense, being in the anti-social disorder grouping. The inattentive type curl up inside themselves and the hyperactive and combined push people away by being too nosy and not respecting boundaries. Just in a general sense, I realize everybody is different.

  3. balbrouckan
    August 6, 2011

    I’m not sure sociopathy is inherited…

    The article you’re citing states that “in children with psychopathic tendencies, antisocial behaviour was strongly inherited. In contrast, the antisocial behaviour of children who did not have psychopathic tendencies was mainly influenced by environmental factors”.

    If I understand well, if your child has no early-onset psychopathic tendencies, then all is well and provided you give a right environment, no antisocial tendencies will appear. On the contrary if he has early-onset psychopathic tendencies, then his antisocial behavior will be mostly inherited and you’re in big trouble.

    Strictly speaking, this research paper doesn’t mean that psychopathic/sociopathic tendencies are inherited. It shows “antisocial behavior with psychopathic tendencies” is mainly inherited. That’s a different story altogether.

    Since you are not, yourself, an antisocial psychopath, I would say your children, if you had felt like having any, would not have been at risk from inheriting it from their grandfather – since the fact that you don’t have that behavior, plainly shows that you have not inhedited it…

    This does not mean I don’t respect your choice regarding children. But I think it’s very harsh to tell fellow incest survivors they have high risks of having sociopathic children. If the survivors themselves don’t exhibit “antisocial behavior with psychopathic tendencies”, and are not married to a psychopath, the risk on their children is pretty low, even with a first order relative who is a psychopath.

    While I was very afraid of being a sociopath myself (as the daughter of a sociopath), as a teenager and a young adult – not seeing it actually happen to me has made me accept that I was a very different person, and I more or less allowed myself to live, since I’m no threat to society.

    I have three children. I honestly thought that, by their father not being a sociopath, they had less chances of becoming sociopaths themselves, should childbearing make a sociopath out of me. Ten years later the turn of events made me acknowldge at last that I had married an abuser of the narcissistic pervert kind. So, we’re separated, but my kids have been partially raised by a sociopath anyway. So I wouldn’t say it’s much of a success story…

    Though my children are troubled by the separation, they have exhibited no early signs of sociopathy. They are kind to animals, they have friends (more than I ever had), they have no behavioural problems at school. They are not antisocial, nor have psychopathic tendencies. They seem to be able to show empathy and remorse – well, it’s a mother speaking, so I could be kidding myself. I hope they never become sociopaths.

    The good part is that, while I was very afraid of “turning pedophile” on my own children, it has not happened. Time and time again I have checked with myself if I had any sexual desire toward my children and I’ve found absolutely nothing, to my own relief – and to my deeper disgust of my own father. I have never had even nightmares of sexual contact with my children (and you know one can’t control one’s nightmares – at almost 40, I still have nightmares where I end up willingly f*ing my father). I don’t have sexual desires towards other children as well, so all’s good on this side.

    The bad part is that I did marry an abuser. That happens much more to women who have been abused. I ‘ve come to accept this big mistake I’ve made, as part of the fall-outs of the childhood abuse I survived.

    Peace

  4. Pingback: Inheriting Evil | May We Dance Upon Their Graves

  5. Damage(d)
    January 4, 2012

    You know, lots of my motivation for not having children are the same as yours (except in my case I’m also afraid of the risk of inheriting cancer and alzheimer :/ they both run in my family), and the last one you mentioned made me think of my biggest motivation for not having children, which is that I fear I would be an abusive parent.

    I had abusive parents myself (I still have, I still have to live with them, but they don’t act abusive anymore. With my younger brother, I think they haven’t been abusive, of which I am glad) and my biggest fear of course is to become like them.

    I already seen that they affected me in negative ways; “thanks” to them, I cannot cry unless I am hidden somewhere that feels safe (like my closet or under my blanket) and I see crying as something shameful, almost disgusting.
    I saw it when my mother started crying after a particularly horrible argument we had, that involved my sexual orientation and her being extremely crude about it; she suddendly burst into tears and let herself slide down on the floor like a child. My first instinctual thought, then, wasn’t “oh my god, I made her cry, I am an horrible person”. My first instinctual thought was more along the lines of *STOP IT OR I WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING SERIOUS TO CRY ABOUT” and a strong urge to physically hurt her.

    (Of course I didn’t do it. I turned around and ran out of the door; I stayed outside my house for the whole day because of how upset I was and because my reaction scared me.)
    Maybe you can guess why I reacted that way.
    Crying was not tolerated, when I was a child. If you cried “without a good reason”, you would be GIVEN one until you were able to stop.

    That’s how f****p up I am thanks to their abuse. How could I trust myself raising children if I react like this to someone crying? I would probably only end up hurting them. I would be an abusive parent. I would make them resent me and scar them for their whole life. I cannot do that to a child.

    Sometimes I don’t even know how I could trust myself having a relationship with someone else, so how could I ever risk to have children? :(

    But I never thought about the possibility of my children inheriting a genetic predisposition for abuse. One more good reason not to procreate.

  6. Ferdob
    May 21, 2012

    Interesting article and comments. I’ve worried about this myself. Recently, I’ve realised that my father is a psychopath (the evidence was always there, but the pathological disorder had yet to be ascribed) and that I have ADHD. I’m currently trying to find a link between psychopathy in parents and ADHD in their children. I’m interested to find out if I could have been a psychopath if I hadn’t had such a loving mother, brother and sister. Now I pride myself as being very moral and caring. I can’t ever remember being totally indifferent to suffering, or wanting to inflict pain.

    I don’t know, I have a feeling that I wasn’t born with a psychopathic predisposition, but the idea still creeps me out.

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This entry was posted on June 26, 2011 by in Sexual Abuse, survivors and tagged , , , , , .

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